Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize
