First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
