So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
