i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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