Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
