dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Boobs speak an international language.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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