I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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