after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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