The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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