I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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