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remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
