I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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