I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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