some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
