kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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