we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The air taste purple.
Randomize
