You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
