I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I met the friendliest cop last night
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
