Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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