It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
