no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
