hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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