you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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