Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
