If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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