$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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