I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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