if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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