He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
