My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
