if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
