It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
how drunk are you?
Several
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
