there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize