apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
