how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
