This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
