There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
