How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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