In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
