On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
