That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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