And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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