Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
