Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I love you. Go after that dick
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
