I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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