We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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