Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
