Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
only you would photoshop your dick
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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