Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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