i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
