so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
