i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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