He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
