I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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