i was born a porn star she said
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
