Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
