dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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