I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
