all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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