Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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