I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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