Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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