there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
