you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
