im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
