Soap is not a condiment
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
