The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
