I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
