Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
