Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
