I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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