um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
3 2 1 whiskey
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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