...so i touched it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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