He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
