I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
